John to Derek:
As you need to know so much about me:
I prefer Iced Coffee
I don't like washing my hair too often
my bank account number is 456174574895
I like to download porn
my phone number is 0400 910486
Gary Glitter is only a personal Acquaintance

Aerysa to John:
I prefer Iced Coffee- After spilling a half cup of freshly micro-waved coffee on my nether regions earlier today I can completely understand the value in this preference. Does anyone know if I'm allowed to go to work pant-less if I have a legitimate medical reason?

I don't like washing my hair too often-What constitutes too often? Are we talking A) "My hair is beginning to look a little flat" or B)"My plan is to open a small business selling things grown entirely on my own head"?

my bank account number is 456174574895 - What's the use in that? We all know there's nothing in there. Give us the bank accounts of your friends and family. Neighbours. Anyone you work with. Pretty much any bank account that does not have your name on it will do. We aren't picky.

I like to download porn - Who doesn't ????

my phone number is 0400 910486 - Nobody call this number. He might be home. Worse, he might answer. Friends don't let friends call John.

Gary Glitter is only a personal Acquaintance - I spoke to Gary. He is insulted that you would dismiss your relationship with him so cavalierly and would like you to return the underwear he left under your bed.

Well! I for one am intensely relieved that we are finally getting to know John. How we've all longed for this day....Paint us a detailed picture, please. We want to be sure we really, really, really understand the marvel that is you.

John to Aerysa:
I like to wear my underwear on the outside of my jeans
I wear socks based on thickness not colour match
I always dress and put on my left shoe first just in case there is a terrorist in there
I wear my favourite t-shirts until they are totally holey in the hope that maybe they will fix themselves

Aerysa to John:
"I like to wear my underwear on the outside of my jeans" - Good idea. Lets people know what they are dealing with right off. Plus you can soil yourself and not have to go through a whole production to change your underwear. Smart thinking.

"I wear socks based on thickness not colour match" - Nah. I don't buy it. Admit you put on whatever is on the floor closest to you and thickness be damned. I know it. Michael knows it. Samantha was on to it three seconds after first laying eyes on you. We ALL know it, John. Admit the truth to yourself. It's time.

"I always dress and put on my left shoe first just in case there is a terrorist in there" - Our plan to put a terrorist in your right shoe was a good one then. Glad to hear it.

"I wear my favourite t-shirts until they are totally holey in the hope that maybe they will fix themselves" - Now you're just being stupid. As if a shirt could fix itself without the aid of a shirt fairy. Ridiculous. Put the holes under your pillow at night. Not the shirt mind you, JUST the holes. The shirt fairy takes care of the rest.